Welcome to this Autumn's Premier Local Competition
Following the frankly absurd success of the Great OTGR Melon Hunt, entries are now open for the:
Olli Thomas Garden Rescue
Hall of Farm
Autumn Edition, Home-Grown 2026.
Punchy eh?
On 11 October 2026, the Hall of Farm will become a permanent part of the OTGR website — and this time we're opening the doors to anything remarkable you've grown this year — Best of your best or, worst of your worst, indeed, weirdest of your weirdest.
The Rules
Expect lots of interest and competition, so just one entry per person.
Send your name, location, one main photograph (two maximum) and no more than three sentences to the options below. These can be anything you want, but interesting or amusing content will help your cause — tips, experiences, what you're going to do with it, jokes, funny anecdotes related to growing it, why you grew it, what your ambitions or dreams are etc etc.
The Junior Hall — Entrants under 18 will be considered separately for induction into the Junior Hall. Please mark entries JH. Normal standards of horticultural excellence remain in force, although the judging regime may demonstrate marginally greater humanity.
Any attempted sob stories — immediate DQ. Don't tell me you need to win because after 36 years you've just found out one of your legs belongs to someone else. I don't care.
There may be asset classes, but I will determine these once everyone has submitted. Spoiler alert: if there are, they are extremely unlikely to be traditional groupings — unlikely to be a Brassica-specific award, for example.
60% of the points will be scored from the photograph and what you've actually grown.
There is no set number of places in the Hall. If I don't think you're worthy, you're not getting in.
Entries can be submitted via the comments sections on Facebook, or directly to olli@otgardenrescue.co.uk (title your email OTGR HOF AEHG 2026). I can only guarantee I will definitely see those sent directly to me.
Entries close at 18:00 on Sunday 11 October 2026.
The Autumn Hall of Farm 2026 will be unveiled at 16:00 on Thursday 15 October 2026.
Disclaimer
I am not going to check that all entries are genuine, but if you do cheat and you do get into the Hall of Farm, the entry will have your name next to it forever. If cheating does subsequently come to light, I'm sure the possibility of public shaming will limit this.
Please note anything you send to me as an entry will almost certainly be made public. Anything else may be given to the relevant authorities.
I will be the sole judge and arbiter. There shall be no appeals considered. The results are final.
Please do not send me any actual produce or bribes below a bull's-eye.
I accept no responsibility for any offence, offences or crimes of passion that occur due to this process.
Please enter responsibly. If the fun stops, stop.
A Final Word
Clearly the dirt connoisseurs of West Sussex and Hindhead romped home with the melons, so I hope for a much better effort from all else this time, in particular Grayshott — you lost out to Hindhead on the last one. Heavens above! I leave town for two minutes / years and you go all pathetic — it's Hindhead fgs!
Anyway, it's just a bit of fun. The only prize is the local fame of being permanently inducted into the OTGR Autumn Hall of Farm 2026 and being able to send a link boasting about this to all your friends, family and enemies until they are bored senseless.
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Comments
This is excellent and funny. Sadly I grew nothing this year apart from a lot of now dead twigs.